**I could not resist retyping the following text from Agony Fanzine**
WHY HOMOS ARE BETTER
(A masterpiece of Investigate Journalism in Two Parts)
published in Agony 2
As we all know throughout the ages most great artists, musicians, philosophers, scientists, athletes have been homosexual. A few prominent examples include Oscar Wilde, Mother Teresa, Salvador Dali, Charles Baudelaire, Albert Einstein, Jean Genet, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Joe Montana. On the other hand common laborers, garage mechanics, account executives, politicians and criminals are almost exclusively heterosexual. Heroes also make great clerks and bank tellers. However bear in mind that occasionally a heterosexual will invent something really neat and useful to society, like the atomic bomb. It is easy to see that for the most part, heteros are either criminals or the insignificant cogs in society’s machine who must do the unimportant drudge work due to their own inherent genetic inferiority.
In fact Heterosexual’s repulsive and unnatural “lifestyles”, and their traditional role as proletarian or “breeders” in today’s society, is so pervasive that many people believe now that the hetero “lifestyle” is actually an acceptable and desirable way of life! Just like worker bees, most heterosexuals must live and work in nearly identical environments (tract houses, factories, office buildings) in order to best utilize their limited potential as workers in society’s “swarm”. Fortunately this means that homos can thus be freed to do the important work of the world, much like queen bees. In fact, heteros acknowledge this fact by sometimes referring to effeminate male homosexuals (a small minority on the Queer Population) as “queens”. Because they are genetically inferior, heterosexuals generally all strive to lead their lives in an identical manner. In fact, there is a distinct pattern which most of these people follow, allowing the astute individual to detect heterosexuality in even the cleverest of disguises.
Early in their lives, hets must receive special training to prepare them for a future of boring and repetitive het jobs. This is popularly called “school” and serves the purpose of getting the young heterosexual used to sitting in the same place for eight or ten hours at a time while performing meaningless, ritualized tasks. After “school”, young heterosexuals are programmed to spend several years living in somewhat densely populated area (East Side, Northridge Lakes, etc) in order to find a mate suitable for breeding-hence the popular derisive term,” breeders”. After finding an “acceptable” mate, the young heterosexuals begin searching for a suitable area to spawn, much like many other species of low origin. Suitable spawning areas might typically be called “subdivision”, townhouses in Brookfield” or in rare cases, “Juneau Village”. Once this process is completed, the unpleasant (but necessary) cycle of reproduction can take place. If the heterosexual couple produce two offspring (about average nowadays), then this means that their chance of producing a superior homosexual is only about 20%, or just one in five. Imagine enduring years of dirty diapers, sticky furniture, Cub Scout meetings and having sex with the same person over and over again-only to find out that you have failed, and that none of your offspring are homosexual. This is quite “common” but somehow does not thwart the stalwart (yet unintelligent) heteros. In fact, frustration and shame over their shallow “gene pools” failure to produce a homosexual often drives the couples to divorce and remarry at a rapid rate. The slightly increases their chances of producing a superior, queer child. As bleak as things seem, do not feel sorry for these people. Even if their offspring are inferior (as they in most cases: almost 90% of all babies born today will grow up to be breeders), the heteros have several diversions such as barbecues, television, and pop music to comfort and distract them until they die.
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